Lily Evans and her insecurities!
by Moonstone
Summary: Lily has silly little insecurities about her appearance, including her hair that sticks out like a sore thumb and her small flabby arse.James, being the wonderful boyfriend that he is, comforts her, saying that he in fact, likes her arse alot.Oneshot


"Oooooh look," came a sneer from behind Lily as she walked down the hall to the Common Room after her last lesson, "it's mudblood Evans."

Lily growled but continued walking, pausing only to retort back.

"Just shove it Black!"

She continued walking until she felt a blast on her back, sending her hurling into the air and then soaring downwards with a thud.

Automatically the hallway cleared and everyone pushed themselves and each other against the wall, leaving only Bellatrix Black, Lily and her best friend Emma Jannison in the middle.

Lily looked up, through her red hair as she lay on her stomach, gradually trying to prop herself up by her hands.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do, mudblood!" she hissed threateningly, her wand pointing at Lily.

"Shut it Black," Emma hissed, helping Lily up. Lestrange snickered.

"Well looks like miss Head Girl mudblood can't take care of herself," she sneered.

Lily growled.

"Oh I can take care of myself Black," she hissed, blowing hair away from her face.

Bellatrix laughed out loud again.

"Oh really?" she drawled, "Well why don't you fight back?"

Lily narrowed her eyes as she clutched her wand tighter in her pocket.

"Because Black," she snapped, "I happen to be mature enough not to start a stupid little fight like this and mature enough not to continue one."

Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

"Mature?" she scoffed, "a mudblood like you can up rise to maturity when I actually decide to sleep with one of you!"

She turned to the people behind her and grinned.

"Wouldn't you agree?"

An uproar of agreement sounded from her Slytherin friends that stood behind her. She turned back to Lily.

"Know what I think mudblood?" she drawled. Lily inhaled sharply.

"I think you're scared," Bellatrix continued, grinning evilly, "you're scared because you're boyfriend Potter isn't here to protect you. He's off playing Quidditch! Of course that's what he'd do when he's going out with a filthy ugly mudblood like you."

Lily ground her teeth as she took a fleeting glance to the field where the Gryffindor team were practicing.

"Yes," Bellatrix leered as she caught Lily's glance, "look over there. There's Potter! Not caring about you at all is he?"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"That was the stupidest comment you idiotic Slytherins have come up with yet!" she snorted, "maybe next week you'll actually have something so stupid that people will actually care to listen, for a laugh."

A silence rang out as a few people suppressed their snorts. Bellatrix's face contorted slightly and lifted her wand up an inch.

"You," she hissed, "have to learn to respect your superiors!"

Lily opened her mouth to speak but was stopped when Bellatrix shouted out a curse.

"IMPEDIMENTA!" she cried. Lily had barely enough time to react before she was thrown half way across the hall and smashed into the wall on the left.

Emma's scream was muffled as one of the Slytherins cast a body binding and silencing spell on her.

Bellatrix walked up to Lily, laughing.

"I knew it!" she cried in triumph, "some smart witch you are! You can't defend yourself without your silly boyfriend Potter here to protect you."

She bent down and sat on her haunches and leaned in, leering.

"I don't know what he sees in you," she said conversationally, "you're just a silly little mudblood! You're stupid and so tightly wound it's a wonder you have any fun at all. You're a pain in the arse Evans. And you're not even pretty, with that stupid red hair that stands out like a bloody sore thumb and those stupid freckles which makes you look like a kid," she stopped and sighed pitifully at Lily, "And did I mention that you were a mudblood?"

She sneered as Lily looked up from the floor, balancing on her forearms and left hip.

"What's wrong Evans?" Lestrange sneered, "realised the truth. You and Potter should never be together. Why he's agreed to be with you is beyond me. You're a stupid and worthless mudblood and a pureblood like Potter deserves better."

Lily straightened her head and looked Bellatrix straight in the eye.

"Like you Lestrange?" she spat. Bellatrix's grin grew wider.

"Yes mudblood," she nodded, "like me."

Lily smiled sweetly, burning a hole through Bellatrix with her eyes as she sat up properly onto her knees, her hand sliding to her pocket.

"Well let me inform you Black," she sneered, "James has told me that he won't ever date you. He doesn't date people who's heads are so far up their arse!"

Bellatrix's eyes grew wide with fury and she raised her wand.

"CRUCI…"  
A collective gasp sounded through the room at the sound of her curse, but it only lasted a second. This time Lily was ready. Within a millisecond her wand was out and she had shouted three spells at a time.

"PROTEGRO!" she yelled, blasting Lestrange backwards.

"EXPELLLIARMUS!"

Bellatrix wand went flying and smashing right out of the window.

"PERFECTUS TOTALUS!"

Bellatrix went completely rigid and fell onto the floor, like a board. Lily marched up to her, her hair flaying wildly around her, her eyes blazing. Many people backed even further away.

She pointed her wand straight at Lestrange's face.

"You will not be thwarting me," Lily hissed, "or any other student. Ever! 250 points from Slytherin for that curse you tried to use. Ten for magic in hallways! Five for attacking a student! And another five for attacking the Head Girl! Five months detention for that curse and your behaviour, with McGonagall! And don't think Dumbledore won't be hearing of that little curse of yours."

Another collective gasp sounded through the room at the sound of her punishments.

She leaned in.

"I don't care what silly little dark arts group you're involved in Black," she whispered nastily, "but you'd better keep whatever you learn in that group. Dumbledore's suspicious as it is about you and you're cronies."

She straightened up and looked around.

"Ok everyone it's done," she announced to the awed crowd, "get back to what you were doing."

Everyone dispersed, leaving Emma, Lily and Lestrange in the hallway.

"And next time," Lily spat, "watch what you say about my boyfriend."

With that, she undid Emma's binding and silencing spells and stalked out, leaving Lestrange in a stunned position till someone came and found her.

oooO0Oooo

"Lily that was amazing!" Emma gushed as the two girls marched up to the Gryffindor Common Room, "You were amazing."

Lily nodded half-heartedly and smiled slightly, not really hearing what her friend was saying.

Black's words kept resounding through her mind. She knew it was silly to even pay one ounce of attention, but somehow her hurtful words had a meaning and a purpose.

"Oh my Lily!" Emma said softly, drawing Lily from her thoughts, "are you alright?"

Lily turned to her, trying to put on a confused face.

"Of course I am."

"You don't believe what that stupid woman Black said do you?" Emma asked, putting her hand on Lily's shoulder. Lily gulped slightly but shook her head.

Emma grinned and rubbed Lily's shoulder.

"Good," she said enthusiastically, "because it's all rubbish. James loves you with all his heart. I can see it, everyone can see it. That's why he never gave up after so many years. You're lucky to have him. What Lestrange said was all rubbish. And you'd be stupid to believe it."

Lily sighed inwardly but smiled in response as her friend said the password to the Fat Lady. Her friend's words of reassurance seemed to little.

Before climbing in, Emma gave her redheaded friend a quick reassuring hug, before disappearing with a sleepy yet cheeky smile.

Lily smiled as she watched Emma disappear into the Common Room and then walked off back to the Head's Common Room.

Emma was right. She was being stupid, even caring about what Lestrange said. But she did. Those words cut through her ears as she walked into her Common Room and slumped onto the couch.

Even though she didn't want it to, what Black had said, did make sense.

Tears formed in her eyes as she stared into the fire. Bellatrix Black was completely right, in everything she had said.

How could James Potter love her, Lily Evans? She was a complete nag and probably annoyed him to no end with her constant pestering for silly little things like homework, exams and rules. He probably wanted to rip his hair out.

And then, she was so tightly wound even she, sometimes wanted to scream. She couldn't imagine what it would be like for James.

His friends, especially Sirius probably wanted to crucify her and James, being the sweet boy that he was, probably just wanted to throw her in the lake.

She picked up a cushion and let the tears fall down slowly as she continued her self-degrading rant.

She sobbed harder as she came to a new realisation.

James didn't love her; he was just taking pity on her. How could she have been so stupid as to not realise it? He was such a nice guy that he couldn't bear breaking the heart of his best friend when she told him that she'd fallen for him after so many years of him constantly chasing her.

She was so mean to him all those years, absolutely vile. She'd do anything to hurt him back then.

How could he love a person like her? She was awful. She never had any fun at all. When the other girls decided to sneak out with some guy or another she would reprimand them. When they went to put on make-up between lessons she'd roll her eyes.

She was an awful, boring and insane person.

James didn't love her; it wasn't humanly possible. He just pitied her. Of course he did. How could he love her?

"Lestrange was right," she mumbled through her tears, hiccoughing along the way, "how can he possibly love me? I am a right pain in the arse. And I'm not that pretty anyway."

She caught a glance at herself in the mirror that stood propped up on the fire mantle piece and felt a new wave of tears form.

Her usually milky pale complexion was slightly red around the nose and cheeks and blotchy from where the tears had stained. The few freckles that were dusted along the bridge of her nose and upper cheeks stood mocking her like they had always done, except when James was counting or kissing them. She had hated them ever since she was a little girl. They made her look babyish. But James had told her that he loved them.

He was probably just telling her.

She sniffed and tucked some of her deep red hair behind her ears and began crying again when she caught sight of it. She _did _stand out like a sore thumb everywhere with her blood red hair. It wasn't even nice and straight and beautifully styled. It was just stupid and long and stupid and wavy and stupid and so thick to an extent she sometimes had to magic it actually get it brushed, and a bright red which could be compared to blood red.

Who wanted blood red hair?

It clashed horribly with her face when she blushed and made her eyes look even greener.

Her eyes; they were the only thing that she had ever liked. But now that she thought about it, they probably scared the hell out of him when they flashed and made such a large contrast with her crazy hair when she was angry or blushing.

That's what she was. Complete and utter carelessly thrown in contrasts. James probably thought she was an alien.

Black's words of agreement came into mind when Lily had asked that sarcastic question if James would want to go out with her, and she started weeping all over again. Now not only was she an ugly, tightly wound, nagging alien. She was an ugly, tightly wound, _wimpy, _nagging alien.

"Stupid tears," she muttered, "how much water can I have in me?"

Even though that was a stupid remark to say the least she still let the tears fall as she thought back to the morning.

Of course James would want to date someone like Bellatrix Black, and he deserved it. Bellatrix Black was beautiful and everyone knew it. She had large dark eyes with thick, heavy and long eyelashes that rose and fell as she blinked slowly, like they were dancing. Her tanned, smooth and flawless skin was a perfect combination with her long thick black hair that fell in perfect curls down her back. Her ideally shaped hourglass figure managed to show even through the Hogwarts winter uniforms, making all the boys drool.

James did deserve a goddess like her, not some crazy alien who couldn't find anything to wear unless it was a size eight or six and whose boobs didn't even make it to a B-cup and who had a small flabby arse.

Small flabby arse. Even her arse contradicted itself!

She chucked the cushion towards the window, but it only fell a few centimetres from her due to her pathetic throw. She growled through her tears and picked up again. Giving it a few smacks, as if it was the cushions fault that she was in this sorry state, she resumed to hugging it, crying with all her might.

oooO0Oooo

James trudged up the stairs in his Quidditch clothes and to the Head's Common room he shared with Lily, smiling as he thought he could now see her. It had taken him so long to win her over, a matter of years, and then a matter of months for her to get rid of her confusion and pride to actually admit it. Now that they were officially together he didn't want to waste another minute of time not being with her. He wanted to make up for lost time after about six years.

He mumbled the password tiredly to the portrait and climbed in, scanning the room for his girlfriend. His eyes widened when he found her sobbing uncontrollably on to the couch, hugging a cushion as if was here lifeline.

"Lily?" he called softly, "Lily what's wrong?"

She jumped slightly and looked over to him.

"Nufink," she mumbled through a veil of tears and a blocked nose.

He had to suppress a smile as she sat there hugging the cushion for dear life, tears streaming down her face. She looked like an angel in tragedy, making him want to rush over and hold her till she stopped crying, but also just sit and watch. She just looked so adorable as her red nose and cheeks matched her hair while the rest of her tear stained face remained pale.

Even though they were officially together, the butterflies in his stomach didn't stop when he saw her. He had to stop himself from drooling when he watched her do simple things like tuck her hair behind her ear or smile at something.

Her beauty amazed him. If he had a choice he would be kissing her wonderfully luscious and full lips continuously, while running his hand through her silky red hair, something he just loved to smell on those occasions when she leaned against him.

He remembered when he had counted her freckles that day when she was lying in hospital due to a prank that he and Sirius had set up that she had tried to stop.

He'd come to the conclusion of 19. She had 19 freckles, which he loved to count again and again, making her wrinkle up her nose so adorably when he reached spot on the bridge of her nose. **(To all of you who've read the other one...forgive me...I just couldn't resist.)**

He loved it when she laughed or smiled with him. Her eyes would light up like emeralds and would make a fantastically stunning contrast with her deep crimson hair, making him want to take a picture, just so he could watch her laugh over and over again.

She was perfect for him in every way.

Her smile made him weak in the knees. Her laugh made his heart soar. He had to hold onto something just to stop himself losing complete control when she touched him, and he _did _lose complete control of absolutely everything when she kissed him.

He didn't know how he'd managed all those six years without her and thinking that she hated him, but he never wanted to find out.

He walked over to her and sat next to her, placing his thumb on her cheek and wiping a stray tear away.

"Lily," he called, "why are you crying?"

She turned to him, after a short hiccough and looked him straight in the eye.

"You…" she started and then swallowed, "you don't love me do you?"

His eyes widened to the size of tennis balls.

"What?" he cried, literally shocked out of words.

How could she think that? What else did he have to do to show her that he was in fact so crazily in love with her that wondered if he needed to admit himself the clinically insane ward in St Mungo's. If he could take his heart out and make it saw exactly what it was making him feel, he would do so. But that was just being silly, because it wasn't physically possible.

He tried to tell her this, but was cut off.

"I mean how could you?" she continued in a choked voice, "I'm probably the worst person in the world to love."

He raised an eyebrow and tried to say something but she seemed adamant on continuing.

"I nag constantly about stupid things," she continued, new tears falling, "I never have any fun because I'm so tightly wound. You must want to throw me in the lake. I'm an awful person. And I was a complete bitch to you before."

James sighed as he listened.

"Bellatrix Black was right," she mumbled, sniffling, "you deserve better than me."

"Black?" he asked, dumbfounded, "what's with her now?"

Lily ignored him.

"She was right," she continued, still unable to stop the tears, surprising both of them, "you do deserve better. I mean I'm just so stupid, always studying or working. I'm so boring."

James was having some real trouble restraining form grabbing her shoulders and shaking some sense into her.

"And like she said," she ploughed on, "I'm not even that pretty."

James's jaw literally dropped, which was quite painful seeing as he was grinding his teeth with frustration before.

His eyebrows disappearing beneath his hair.

Calling herself stupid and tightly wound and all the rest of it could be sorted out easily. He could just show her her test results and say that it was all worth it.

But to be calling herself ugly was on a totally different plane. Anybody with two brain cells could see that she was exquisitely beautiful. Maybe she was actually going insane.

"Lily, how could you say that?"

She gulped.

"Because I'm not pretty," she cried, now sobs racking her body, "I have red hair that sticks out like a sore thumb everywhere…"

"You're hair is amazing."

"…I have like a hundred stupid freckles that make me look like a kid…"

"You have 19 freckles and they make you look adorably grown up thank you very much. And I love them."

"…I have a bloody flabby arse and tiny boobs that don't even reach a bloody B-cup…"

"HEY! I happen to like your arse very much ok? And your boobs…well…"

He found it quite uncomfortable to continue.

"…I bite my lips…" she continued.

"But they're still amazing to kiss."

"…And I bite my nails…"

"Nail."

"I mean…" she stopped and looked at him, "what?"

"Nail," he repeated, He picked up her left hand and examined the little finger, "you only bite your left pinkie."

Lily's face scrunched up slightly in confusion as she sniffled and wiped a tear that was lingering on her chin.

"What's that got to do with…"

He placed his finger on her lips.

"What's gotten into you Lily?" he asked softly, running his finger on her lips, "why did you suddenly become insane and think that I don't love you?"

She sighed against his finger and looked at the cushion.

She mumbled something incoherently. He leaned in closer.

"Didn't quite get that."

"Black said…"

He rolled his eyes.

"Black?" he scoffed, "what's with her today? What happened? And why do you even care what she said? She's got her head so far up her arse I'm surprised she can actually see where she's going."

Lily giggled tearfully.

"That's what I told her when she said that you'd rather go out with her than me."

James laughed.

"Yeah, as if," he gently pried the cushion out of her grasp, "What did she say to that?"

Lily shrugged and looked at him.

"She tried to crucio me…" she started.

"SHE TRIED TO CRUCIO YOU?" James cried, outraged.

Lily rolled her teary eyes and put her hand on his arm.

"Don't worry," she said, sighing slightly from the aftermath of practically bawling her eyes out, "I got to her before she managed."

James sighed but grinned.

"That's my Lily," he said putting his arm around her, "don't need anyone to protect you."

He sighed contentedly but stopped halfway when he heard a heavily suppressed sob. He glanced down and saw her tearing up again.

"What's wrong?" he asked kindly, lifting her chin to look at him.

"She said that I couldn't protect myself," she mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

God she was such a wimp.

"You're not a wimp," he said sweetly, making her look up, slightly confused, "you just verbalized that thought."

She smiled dryly but didn't answer.

He removed his arm from around her and sat up so that he looked directly at her.

"Why do you believe what Black said?" he asked, "Is it something I did? I mean if this is about me calling you a nag last week, then I'm sorry. It was just a joke..."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously.

"No no!" she emphasized, "you're wonderful, you've been wonderful. It's just that…I know it's stupid…but it made sense."

James quirked an eyebrow, "all that stuff you just said made sense?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

"Because…" she started and then sighed, "because sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you. I mean there are so many other, prettier, more fun and smarter girls in the school than me and…"

She stopped when he took her hand.

"If I wanted to be with someone else why wouldn't I have told you so when you admitted that you were in love with me?" he asked, looking deep into her eyes.

She looked away again.

"Because you pitied me," she mumbled. James almost didn't catch it, but sighed.

"Pitied you?" he repeated incredulously, "Pitying Lily Evans is like a writing a suicide note."

Lily smiled tearfully.

"I'd never do that," he continued, "when I said I was still in love with you that night, I meant it."

She looked up at him; her eyes wide like a little child.

"Really?"

"Really," he assured her, smiling, "you're the most beautiful person in the world. I like that you nag me because otherwise I'd end up in detention continuously, resulting in less time with you."

Lily grinned, watching him as he subconciously followed the lines on her hands.

"It's all a circle," he said smiling, "And if you weren't tightly wound most of the time I wouldn't know how to appreciate the times that you're not. I mean I've dated girls who are complete lunatics and just do anything and everything for no good reason. I felt like I was dating a floozy..." he stopped and considered for a second before giving a definate nod, "...they were floozies."

Her tears started to subside into a shy smile.

"And as for your brains," he continued, now sounding very authoritative, "you're really idiotic saying that there are other girls smarter than you. The only thing they might know that you don't is whether rose pink lip gloss is better than…" he stopped, he wasn't familiar with lip glosses.

"Strawberry," she finished for him. He smiled.

"See," he said, "you even knew that."

Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same.

"You are a beautiful person," he continued, "you're kind, mature and the most fun to be around."

She bit her lips.

"Whatever Bellatrix said was all bull," he stated, still not looking away from her, "you are stunningly beautiful."

She didn't answer, but tried to suppress a smile.

"I love your hair and the fact that it stands out in a crowd because that's what you are Lily," he continued earnestly, "you're different from all those other girls and that's what makes me love you even more."

He raised his hand to her face and began tapping her freckles lightly, making her giggle and wrinkle her nose.

He laughed.

"If you ever got rid of this 19 blighters," he said, kissing her nose, "I'll kill you! I love counting them. What else am I supposed to look at when you're asleep?'

Lily raised her eyebrow.

"I very well can't look at your face now can I?" he continued, smiling at her confused face, "because when I look at your face then I want to kiss you. And snogging a sleeping person isn't half as fun."

Lily laughed out loud this time, leaning onto James's shoulder.

"Oh god you can be so mushy and sappy sometimes James," she said through her laughter. He grinned and put his arm around her.

"Only for you Lily," he said smiling, kissing her on top of her head. She looked up at him.

"I was being stupid wasn't I?" she whispered.

He grinned before leaning down and brushing her lips with his.

"Yes you were," he whispered back, their noses only a millimetre apart, "and I love you for it."

Lily smiled and snuggled into his chest.

"And just to let you know," he continued, stroking her hair, "I like your arse very much and I don't think it's flabby."

Lily looked up with slightly narrower eyes but met his cheeky grin with hers.

"As for your boobs…" he continued, slyly, trying to look innocent, "…maybe an enlarging charm or…"

She whacked his arm with all her might.

"OW! Lily!" he pleaded as she turned away. He grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and rested his head on her shoulder.

"I was only joking," he pouted, his lower lip jutting out in an adorable fashion. He could see the corners of her mouth turning but she didn't turn around.

"Please forgive me," he said, pretending to be a five year old.

She rolled her eyes and turned her head slightly to look at him.

"You do love me then?" she questioned, a glint in her eyes.

He nodded enthusiastically, ramming his chin on her bony shoulders.

"Ow James! My shoulder!"

He grinned sheepishly.

"Oh right, sorry," he said and leaned in closer, leaning his head against her cheek, "yes I do."

She leaned back onto him as he lowered himself till his back met the couch and his head met the arm rest, still holding her close to his chest, so that he could feel the warmth of her back against his chest, while the upper nape of her back rested against his collar bone, her forehead beside his chin.

"Really?" she asked one more time, as if hearing just once more would make it truer than the times he'd said it before.

He smiled.

"I love our hair that sticks out like a sore thumb," he whispered, "I love you're 19 freckles which make you look like a kid. I love the way you bit your lip and your one nail. I love the way you nag and how you're so tightly wound," he sighed dramatically, counting off his fingers, causing her to giggle, "I love how you smile. I love how you laugh. But most of all I love you're arse and your boobs. They're the best bits."

Lily giggled, smacking him lightly on the arm, twisting her head to the right and upwards to look at him, placing a fleeting kiss on his lower lip.

"Just leave them like that and I'll love you just the way you are."

oooO0Oooo

I know I know...very very very very sappy. But did you like it?

Please review!

By the way...I did the few changes that actually made it make sense.


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